Who Am I Destined To Be?

Photo

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 10:19:47 -0500

“Conquer the angry man by love. Conquer the ill-natured man by...

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 10:11:00 -0500

“Conquer the angry man by love.

Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.

Conquer the miser with generosity.

Conquer the liar with truth”

The Dhammapada

“The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes...

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 10:09:57 -0500

“The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
Marcel Proust

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist,...

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 10:06:35 -0500

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
― Oscar Wilde

I have my love floating above me, not within me, that way I can...

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 10:04:46 -0500

I have my love floating above me, not within me, that way I can be more cautious of who gets a taste.

I am obsessed with cherry blossoms. Maybe one day, if I ever get...

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 10:03:51 -0500

I am obsessed with cherry blossoms. Maybe one day, if I ever get married, I’ll receive a little baby one for Valentine’s Day (:

“As you travel through life, offer good wishes to each being you meet.” — Buddha’s...

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 10:01:36 -0500

“As you travel through life, offer good wishes to each being you meet.”

— Buddha’s Little Instruction Book by Jack Kornfield

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free” — Thích Nhất Hạnh

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 10:01:16 -0500

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free”

— Thích Nhất Hạnh

Photo

Sun, 20 Jan 2013 15:23:25 -0500

Gfs vs. Gfs

Wed, 31 Oct 2012 21:21:37 -0400

Okay, so recently I have had some problems with my guy friends and have either had to end the friendship with them or they have ended it with me. The problem was that I was getting bitched at for not, “spending enough time” with them. The other problem was that everything was blamed on me, as if I was the only one expected to carry the weight of the relationship. They got jealous of me for spending too much time with my new girlfriends instead of them. Little do they understand how much different it is to hang out with your soul sisters and your guy friends. With my girls, I can tell them anything, be completely myself, not have to worry about intimate feelings, and say exactly what I think. No judging happening what-so-ever and it is obvious that the feeling is mutual. Hanging out with my girls is like a drug, a rewarding feeling. I always feel excited when I know I get to spend time with them, whether it be simply sitting in a room and doing separate things online, studying at the library, lunch, or partying. We can spend time together without having to set a specific interest to focus on together.

However, whenever I hang out with my guy friends, I always have to be a little more conscious of what I am saying, we have to make specific tasks to do together, and I can’t just bitch on and on about my day because men don’t want to hear it. I think the biggest problem is the whole, “someone is probably likely to develop feelings for the other” (and that’s exactly what happened). The feelings weren’t ever fully mutually returned, so it was back to being best friends, well, that didn’t work out.

My guy friends got to the point where they could tell me things that they couldn’t tell their “bros” about because apparently it’s hard (even for them) to talk to a dude about feelings. So here I am, being the backbone, which is completely okay with me.. until I can’t return my venting back as equally.. which is why I’d rather spend time with my girl friends.Then they would get mad at me for not telling them everything that has been up with me lately because I could PREDICT their reactions and didn’t want to hear/deal with it.

There is also the difference is thought pattern and process. When I tell my gals something, they know how to tell me the honest truth and we’re on the same level, so I understand how to not take anything the wrong way. I can cry in front of them, talk about guys with them (which is a large topic) and compare the same problems we have in common. I can tell them about my past and they’re just eagerly awaiting the words that are falling out of my mouth. Then, my guy friends hit me up, “You have not been spending enough time with me. We only see each other twice a week, that isn’t enough. Every time I ask you to hang out you’re busy or already have plans.” Okay, first of all, every time I ask them to hang out, they either have plans too or they cancel them last minute which is a MAJOR PET PEEVE of mine. Do NOT waste my time..
We are NOT in a relationship and they have other friends too. All we ever did when we hung out is play video gmes or watch movies anyway, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but there really isn’t any bonding going on. I don’t like to hear that our friendship has been digressing and “we’ve come to that point” to where we just shouldn’t be friends anymore because he felt like we’re not on the same level. WE NEVER WERE! We have both done a lot for one another and we both care a lot for one another, I am here for you to listen to and somewhat vise versa, why would you just throw that away? You don’t simply confront someone about ending a friendship unless they’re abusing you in some way.
So this is where I come to my point of confusion. When he texts me and says we shouldn’t be friends anymore because it’s “come to that point.” It is once again, as it’s always been, my fault for, “not trying.” So, okay, after arguing with him like I ALWAYS do because he so fucking hard headed, I agree to “fix the problem” and I set plans to hang out. Then two days later, they’re cancelled and we’re no longer friends because the plans “didn’t feel legitimate.” Seriously -__-
So after I say that was my way of fixing them, and I don’t know what else I can possibly do to make him happy, he says, “I don’t really think there is anything, it’s just come to that point.” I ask, “Why would you do this to me?” He says, “I’m not doing anything to you, I’m doing something for myself.”
Well god damn, sorry I was such a burden of a friend. Then I don’t understand why after all that he says, “if you ever need someone to talk to I am here, or if you needs someone’s ass to be kicked. You know I still care about you.” Why the HELL would I want to come to him with my problems after he has “ended” our friendship. That doesn’t make sense to me. Communication is the key and that is something that definitely needs to be developed in relationship of any kind, and it shouldn’t be blamed on a certain person for lacking the weight of the load because it needs to be carried equally. Also, if someone cares enough for you, they shouldn’t not even give you a chance for just trying to make things right (even if they weren’t entirely your fault). I was just trying to be the bigger person, look past the argument and get on with the bonding time. There is obviously something deeper going on.

The second worst feeling is hiding your feelings from one of your best friends because she is going...

Sun, 02 Sep 2012 11:45:10 -0400

The second worst feeling is hiding your feelings from one of your best friends because she is going through her own set of problems and you don’t want to add to them by making her worry about you too but all you wanna do is be with her and cry on her and tell her everything instead of being the one to try and smile and pretend everything is great

I just had my first ever actual panic attack. I don’t wanna eat (although I forced myself)....

Sun, 02 Sep 2012 10:43:42 -0400

I just had my first ever actual panic attack. I don’t wanna eat (although I forced myself). Good thing school keeps me busy and I have the best friends ever or else I might be doing something really stupid right now. I can’t handle a lot of stress and I just can’t wait to talk to a lawyer to find out what is going to happen. I need assurance. I need insurance.. Fml

It is taking everything in me not to completely break down right now. I don’t know what to do

Sun, 02 Sep 2012 09:41:01 -0400

It is taking everything in me not to completely break down right now. I don’t know what to do

Lololol sooo true (Taken with Instagram)

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 13:06:03 -0400

Lololol sooo true (Taken with Instagram)

Haha I died (Taken with Instagram)

Sun, 26 Aug 2012 15:03:10 -0400

Haha I died (Taken with Instagram)

What color is a mirror

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 20:30:00 -0400

What color is a mirror

We don’t type alone

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 20:23:00 -0400

We don’t type alone

I don’t remember the last time I felt this hurt but it is official, in done with you. I...

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 13:48:59 -0400

I don’t remember the last time I felt this hurt but it is official, in done with you. I don’t even want to be your fucking friend and you have made me put up the biggest wall I’ve bet had in my life. Every man after you can thank you for that one, you fuck. I thought I wanted a boyfriend so bad but after this shit?!? Hah! How naive could someone be? I’d rather be alone for the the rest of my life than feel like this!!

You make me so sick you stupid fucking piece of shit. I can’t believe I let myself fall for...

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 13:13:54 -0400

You make me so sick you stupid fucking piece of shit. I can’t believe I let myself fall for you, you fucking bitch! I’m erasing everything and throwing everything away so it’s like I never met you and you were never a part of my life. I can’t believe I fucking let myself be sad and waste so many god damn tears over you for this long and pass off so many other dudes and wasted so much time, effort, and money on your fucking self. I hope you never talk to me me again. You fucking disgust me.

I'd like to fall in love in a coffee shop

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 11:53:59 -0400

If I didn’t know you, I’d rather not know
If I couldn’t have you, I’d rather be alone